Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
