New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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