i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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