She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
