there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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