I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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