So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
