It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize