I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
