when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize