I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
