no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
