no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The Olympian is in my bed
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
