remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
