You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
