you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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