I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
from now on my penis is your penis
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
