Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
