so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
