I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
