Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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