Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
