well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You are the jesus of drinking
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize