I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Your cock deserves a montage
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
