i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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