Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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