You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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