zippers are such a cool invention
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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