Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
