I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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