he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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