i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just google imaged poop.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
