he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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