hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
