can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
