If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize