You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
