There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
