You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
