I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He passed out mid-signature
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
