Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
