I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
