Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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