Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
