can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
