Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
