I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
