On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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