You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize