barbara walters just said penis...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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