Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
