Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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