When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize