Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
