capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
