***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
