whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize