She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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