i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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