my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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