You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
