Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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