I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
