Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Let's get the cat blown out
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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