I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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