I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
