STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Randomize
