my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
